artist [derogatory]

i am the sum of long scattered parts

photo by Karen Jerzyk

---

i am an artist. i am the sum of long scattered parts, my insides a jigsaw puzzle of half-baked ideas. i have a collection of shiny things to show for it, many in glass cases, others destroyed. old drawers bursting with spells, knobs turn to dust when i reach for them. unknown whether it’s a gift or a curse - entirely dependent on the trajectory of the sun on an otherwise ordinary afternoon.

i am both vulnerable and hiding. i am an artist complete with required parasocial relationship to the moon, and a pile of pens that no longer feel just right. the other-self always behind left shoulder looking for clues. god forbid i do anything without also noting and analyzing it from the third-person, without mining each experience for the details. the artist doesn’t sleep. instead, climbing Everest each morning for morsels of truth. close my eyes and a third one opens.

i am an artist so i always carry a shovel. if i go hungry at least i spent the day digging. sometimes the well is empty, sometimes the metaphors dissolve and i am left with the world as it is. nothing more terrifying than staring the mundane directly in the face without my artist glasses on. so i invite my Inner Child and our Shadow for dinner, we watch a movie on the projector. best high you’ll ever find when the muse joins, too. withdrawls when she departs. a kaleidoscopic rollercoaster chasing feeling, chasing art.

i am an artist. by nightfall i beg for a path that resembles a straight line - all i’m given is a labyrinth of riddles. i will always choose the maze, with its maniacal laughter down the hall and a mess of yarn to untangle. words scratching at my brain like a murder of crows. the people look on in horror and amazement, or else they don’t notice at all.

i am an artist.

---

photo by Karen Jerzyk

find more of Karen Jerzyk’s photography here, which i find complements this prose/poem perfectly <3 i adore her work!

the title and inspiration behind this piece was inspired by two things. the first, a poem by Savannah Brown called Poet (derogatory) from her newest poetry collection Closer, Baby Closer. an incredible poem.

by Savannah Brown

the second inspiration was a song from my ultimate hero and icon Bo Burnham called Art is Dead [which i know every word and will often scream-sing along to]. i plan to write a whole article on Bo and my adoration of his work which spans decades [i was there from the beginning!!].. but that’s for another day.

how do you feel about artists / about being one / about the muse / about all of it?

---

i’m forever grateful that you are here, choosing to read my words :)

♡ my books on amazon | signed copies | instagram | tiktok | youtube | goodreads | poetry prints | threads ♡

if you’re shy about becoming a paid member, but you want to do more than subscribe for free - you can always buy me a little trinket :) i also offer custom commissioned poems!