I sat cross-legged in the back of a white pickup truck as the midday Thai sun blasted down on me and all of my worldly possessions. Clutching my sage green backpack (affectionately named Turtle Shell) and the soft case containing my saltwater-rusted Yamaha guitar, we pulled away from the town of Kanchanaburi and rolled down a rural highway toward the Safari Park & Open Zoo.
It was April of 2015, I was 23 years old, and I had precisely zero idea what I was getting myself into; all I knew was I had volunteered to be a caretaker of leopards for the next month of my life. I’d already been traveling around Southeast Asia for about 8 months at this point, never staying anywhere longer than 2 weeks. I was excited to not only hunker down for an extended period of time, but also to fulfill my lifelong dream of befriending leopards and lions!
Arriving at the park was a whirlwind; I was shown to my (very own!) room in the staff quarters, introduced to some of the other volunteers, then promptly whisked away to meet a kaleidoscope of biodiverse critters. There was the Rescue Area which housed animals that were being rehabilitated, including gibbons, binturongs, macaw parrots, and other monkeys.
There was the vast Safari Area, where I met (and fed bananas to) giraffes, zebras and packs of strange little bug-eyed deer. We drove past the Elephant Region, said hi to the asiatic "moon" bears, and met some stray dogs who had taken up residence at the park. I’d be meeting the cats the following morning!!
I remember feeling elated to unpack my backpack for the first time in a while, and I mean really unpack.. my bed frame had these adorable little shelves built into it! I hadn’t had shelves in months. Or any furniture to call my own at all, for that matter. My room also had a mirror and vanity, my very own private bathroom, and a blue plastic standing fan. And of course, a mosquito net. Wheeeeee!
There wasn’t any air conditioning on the premises, though temperatures soared between 36 and 42 degrees celsius (97 and 107 F). But I found that if I soaked my blanket in water before bedtime, then poised the fan directly onto my body, the wet blanket + fan combo would cool me down juuust enough to catch a few winks of sleep. I affectionately dubbed this ingenious method (which my dad taught me and possibly invented) “dirtbag A/C”.
I woke up feeling electric for my very first full day, giddy and slightly nervous to be acquainted with the leopards! It felt like Christmas morning on steroids. I made coffee in the volunteer kitchen, then quickly sorted out my motorbike rental which I’d use every day for the duration of my time there.
The park was so spread out that you needed a scooter to get from the staff living quarters to literally any other area of the park. I’d also need wheels in order to scoot up the highway for necessary 7/11 snack trips. Thai 7/11's are seriously the best!
I was told by Jessie and Kathleen, the Big Cat Girls who I would quickly grow very close to, to make sure that I don’t act like prey. The first introduction is pivotal - “They’ll test you to see if you’re afraid of them.” It was imperative that I remained cool and calm, didn’t show any fear, and remained unbothered no matter what antics the leopards might pull. In these first moments, big cats want to see what they can get away with.
The metal enclosure door slid open and I stepped inside, heart racing with anticipation. Four adolescent leopards slinked over to investigate me with their magnificent eyes, majestic paws and curious noses. Their names: Mata, Baitung, Edward, and Icicle. I received a couple of cheeky play-bites and leg-taps, and many sniffs before being ultimately accepted almost immediately. I was thrilled to have passed the leopards’ chill test!!
The following weeks were some of the most blissful, intense, magical, insane and physically demanding of my life. I became best friends with, and one of, the Big Cat Girls, all of us in our early 20s and Canadian. We spent the days laughing, cleaning enclosures, doing iced coffee runs on our mopeds, feeding and playing with the cats, dodging deadly insects, smoking joints (don’t tell the Thai police lol) and hosing ourselves down with water while fully clothed. Futile attempts to cool off from the relentless heat and humidity, but important to try nonetheless.
All day every day, I was barefoot and covered in equal parts chicken guts and my own sweat. Some leopard drool mixed in, and a smile so radiant that my face hurt. I learned the unique and beautiful personality of each cat - their likes, dislikes and varying moods throughout each day. Very quickly the one named Icicle (aka Ice, aka Tickle) stole my heart entirely with his laid-back demeanour, playful goober energy and twinkly eyes.
His clumsiness was endearing, the way he almost never landed on his feet. He loved to lick my legs and heave his giant spotted body into my lap. He’d rest his paw atop my foot and we’d just sit there watching the jungle go by. I’d take photos of him and he’d casually try to destroy my camera.
Ice loved belly scratches, and he had the softest whitest tummy in all the land. I love him dearly to this day. All of the leopards melted me into butter in the searing hot Thai sun, and I was there to drink up every moment with them.
One of the most legendary days was The Day That it Rained for Almost an Entire Afternoon. Clouds formed above a rainforest shrieking with life, the sky cracked and thundered, and suddenly buckets of water plummeted down on us all. An unexpected rapture.
I embraced this momentary reprieve from the heat, but the most magical and memorable part of it was witnessing the leopards’ reactions. The way they sprang to life! Prancing and leaping and sniffing the now scent-filled air! Senses heightened, feral, alert, fierce, playful!
🐆🐆🐆🐆
Because captive-bred leopards can never be released into the wild, our job was to make their lives in captivity as interesting, comfortable and fun as possible. We spent time crafting cat toys using coconut shells, palm husks, elephant dung, and other natural fibres gathered from the park. We’d tie found objects onto long sticks and wave them around like oversized kitty toys, which they never grew bored of.
We’d fill handmade plastic fanny packs with raw chicken (so gross at first but then I got used to it) then train the leopards to leap around on their playground, and do tricks like sit or lay down. It kept them sharp, fit and entertained - important enrichment for them physically and mentally. Though during the hottest time of day, all the cats and humans surrendered to becoming liquefied into dirt as one big happy puddle.
Some of the most visceral and blissful moments of my life were spent here. I’d drive my scooter barefoot to the park’s reception building to buy a young coconut for $0.40. I’d slice it open with a machete then prop it between my legs as I drove back to The Cat Garden, sipping the fresh milk through a straw, stopping at the Rescue Area along the way to feed chunks of coconut flesh to eager monkeys :)
Sometimes I’d be in the cat enclosure just chilling.. only to look over and catch a leopard play-hunting me. Crouched down, ears back, pupils dilated, locked in, DIALED. Whenever they got into that mode, I’d just have to call them out on it. “Noooo… hey, no hunting me!” which they’d respond to by instantaneously becoming bored of the stalking game, and sauntering off.
The park was its own organism. So many characters of all shapes, sizes and species. There was politics and gossip (as all places have) and never-ending random hilarity - it felt like we should have had our own sitcom.
The days were long, the lunches provided were edible at best, the property was crawling in deadly scorpions and snakes, venomous spiders and infamous centipedes.. but the people and animals I was surrounded by made every challenge worth it a million times over.
Have you ever heard of the Giant Thai Centipede? I hadn’t until I arrived there, when I was advised to always sleep with a headlamp under my pillow. Because going pee in the night without knowing where you’re stepping could result in a horrific bite from a centipede, scorpion or snake, or honestly just about anything that calls the jungle home.
I saw innumerable giant centipedes during my month at the park. They have painful bites, they can allegedly cause gangrene if left untreated, and they regularly fell from cat enclosures as we slid the doors open. I ended up having to learn how to kill these bugs, which is actually really hard because you have to cut them up into pieces with a metal gardening hoe. And then the severed pieces will continue trying to bite you 😭😭😭 So dramatic!!
I despise killing insects, but when it comes to the centipedes I left my empathy at the door. One actually sneak attacked me IN MY SHOWER! Covered in chicken guts and perspiration (Parfum de Safari Park hahah) all I wanted was to wash off in peace after a long day. I turned on the water and stepped into the shower, only to turn around just in time to catch a giant centipede charging at me!! It felt violating to have this occur in the vulnerable and “safe” zone that is the shower.
As part one of this tale comes to a close, I wanted to thank you for reading this far! It’s such an honour to relive these extra special memories as I share them with you. I also wanted to show you a couple of little quotes that I wrote in my journal. PS this is what the journal looks like:
“today i learned that the tiny black flying bugs will infest any open wound and make sure it gets infected and never heals.”
🦟
“my dirtbag sandwich snack that I make because mealtimes are too far apart: white bread, ketchup, mustard, slice of kraft singles. I actually like it.”
🥪 🤢
“lunch wasn’t terrible today: rice (always) and fried egg with sweet chili. Utilized the ketchup that mom sent me.”
🍚
“My first day off since I started 13 days ago! 13 days of never being a comfortable temperature! Or comfortable in any physical way at all. I feel really strong and badass for living in conditions like that! Always being on the lookout for deadly creatures can be draining. It’s hard but I love it!! For the moments with the animals that can never be explained or captured, only lived fully and vibrantly with every piece of my heart. Sharing space and time with the cats, giraffes, dogs and everything else in the zoo is like a dream.”
🐒 🦓 🦁 🐘 🐍
Next up! Parts 2 and 3 of this piece are going to dive into:
How leopards taught me to embrace my own spots; to accept and love my lifelong skin condition, psoriasis.
The other faces of the park (Leia the lion, Charlie the retired and evil fighter chicken, cat cubs, Chutney the Gangster Gibbon, and more).
Ethical considerations regarding captive breeding & how these practises can be adjacent to the dark and lucrative wildlife trafficking industry.
i’m so happy that you’re here <3 you can also find me in these other portals:
♥ instagram
♥ tiktok
♥ youtube
♥ goodreads
♥ my books on amazon
♥ my website (poetry books & prints)
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡
Sonja this is such a wonderful read! Thank you for sharing your story.. I can’t wait to read the next parts.
My husband is a zoo keeper and I had the pleasure of feeding leopards earlier in the year.. Including the sweetest cub that was born last year.
What an adventure! Holy shit, those centipedes...I thought the leopards must have been scary at first (and I'm sure they were), but I also see that they are incredibly similar to (playful/temperamental) house cats, just much bigger and more powerful (and wilder, even these in captivity, I'm sure). How cool that you passed their test! But yeah, the centipedes...sounds like playing that oldschool Alien Invaders arcade game but in real life, in the shower, continuing to attack even when severed...
I bet the leopards in the rain made you a better poet.